The Silver Spring Penguin

Credit: J. Deseo/SSP

REVIEW — Believe it or not, food has a voice. For example, a thick steak served with a baked potato belts out soaring arias, while a good hamburger with fries unleashes a wicked cover of Led Zep’s “Whole Lotta Love”. One way or another, food can be heard.

But the burgers at Tastee Diner, Silver Spring’s historic greasy spoon, barely whisper. And in the migraine-inducing cacophony of Tastee’s dining room, a mute burger ain’t a good thing.

For $5, one can score the kitchen’s modest bacon cheeseburger. It’s a simple sandwich — a thin beef patty topped with melted cheddar cheese, two strips of bacon, pickles, lettuce and tomato, stacked between halves of a lightly grilled, plain hamburger bun.

Such a basic arrangement often produces a pleasant chorus of oohs, ahhs and yums. Compare that melody with the crash, boom and bang of other, more complicated constructs.

Instead, Tastee’s beef patty barely manages a squeak. Ordered “medium”, it’s slightly dry without a hint of pink and bland as hell. Even underseasoned beef, when charred slightly, will have a slightly sweet kick to it (or at least the bitterness of burned meat). But this beef patty had nothing.

The melted cheddar has a nice, rubbery spring to it but doesn’t lend anything in terms of flavor. Likewise, the crisp lettuce, crunchy pickles and lightly squishy tomato slice are good for texture but don’t do jack squat for flavor.

Thankfully, there’s bacon. Tastee’s kitchen slings some mean breakfast at 3:00 a.m., so they know their breakfast foods. Their bacon is beautifully crisp, and its fat content is enough to keep things moist without tasting greasy. But this star soloist can’t carry the rest of this off-key chorus.

For an extra $2, the bland burger comes with an enigmatic stack of french fries, bold and crisp yet incredibly greasy. And that’s the enigma: How can slim sticks of sliced potato retain that much oil and not collapse into a squishy, drippy pile of mush? Who knows.

The dining room is a prison riot during peak hours, but it’s eerily quiet after the lunch rush. The servers are generally pleasant and give newbies the same good-hearted ribbing they dish to the regulars. It’s the neighborhood’s greasy spoon. That’s all.

Tastee Diner, 8601 Cameron St, Silver Spring, (301) 589-8171.