Someday, my calendar will clear itself, and transporter technology will beam me to Hawaii. But until then, I’ll spend my summer staycation soaking up The Hula Monsters.

Oddly enough, this quintet of luau groove masters doesn’t hail from the south Pacific. Instead, Takoma Park is their home turf (or surf). And it’s not all about Hawaiian-inspired jams, as the band performs swing, western and traditional country joints, too.

But let’s stick with the Hawaiian fantasy, shall we?

Imagine sitting on a tropical beach. The fine sand sifts between your toes. A warm, gentle breeze drifts among the palm trees. The sun slips below the horizon, just beyond an endless blue ocean.

And the soundtrack to this fantasy? The Hula Monsters’ “On a Lil’ Street in Singapore”, a lazy, hypnotic song that drifts with the tide, and slide guitar work that sways like a hula dancer’s hips. Ahhh!

Now the smell of succulent spit-roasted pork beckons you to the luau. Bronze, bikini-clad women in grass skirts drape you in orchid leis, and hulking men twirl flaming torches in a frenzied dance.

You look up from your drink and see The Hula Monsters performing “Cat’s Island”. The song shimmies and shakes like starlight glistening off the ocean, and that slide guitar swirls like the color on your Hawaiian shirt.

Sample The Hula Monsters off the band’s MySpace page — you can almost taste the poi! Then hit them live on Friday (that’s tonight) at The Quarry House (8401 Georgia Ave). The gig starts at 9:00 p.m.

Lead photo courtesy of The Hula Monsters. Embedded photos courtesy of Flickr users Kaldoon, Kanaka’s Paradise Life, Shutterbug Girl, Soccer25mw87, Bobby Emm and Gregory Brown.