Every swimming pool has its rules. Now, the Ellsworth Drive fountain has a few rules of its own.
According to a website for the Downtown Silver Spring shopping center, those frolicking in the mosaic-tiled fountain must abide by the following:
- No animals allowed. Not sure if an exception applies to service animals like guide dogs or telekinetic monkeys.
- Appropriate dress must be worn at all times. Translation: No bare-ass kids in or near the fountain, including those changing from swimwear to streetwear. It’s unclear whether “appropriate dress” applies to fat dudes in Speedos, or clowns.
- No eating or drinking in the fountain. Face it — no one likes soggy nachos or watered-down beer.
- Report injuries immediately to the “courtesy officer”. That does not include aching fingers due to profuse camera snapping. You’re on your own there.
- Medical dressings are not allowed in the fountain. The band-aid over your paper cut is probably okay, but that pus-soaked bandage over your festering sore has got to go.
- Objects are not to be pushed or carried into the fountain. Leave all those Giant Foods shopping carts out. (You know who you are.)
- Offensive language is not allowed in or around the fountain. Exactly who the fuck determines what’s offensive is unclear.
- Parents must supervise their kids. Nuff said.
- No running or pushing allowed in the fountain. Burn off that CakeLove high somewhere else.
- Shoes (other than non-slip water shoes) are not allowed in the fountain. Leave the red, patent-leather FMs with 5-inch spiked heels at home.
- Swim diapers are required for infants and toddlers. Montgomery County extends this rule to incontinent adults.
And don’t forget: Those mosaic tiles are slippery, so exercise caution.
August 21, 2008
14 Comments at "The Watercooler"
Why Is this a source of humor? Do not simple rules of safety and courtesy deserve serious consideration? Although I live very near to Elsworth Drive, I have not been a fan of the ‘Silver Disney Street’ such a demeaning attitude serves only undermine the intent of the ‘rules of conduct’ for the fountain. My conversations with County Police officers whom I know personally tell me that trouble with teens and ‘gangs of teens’ are the norm during the summer months especially on the weekends. Some rules in place for the street as a whole might be in order.
John,
Humorous as the comments to the rules are, Penguin has, I believe, shared them with the purpose of letting the community know about these rules. Perhaps the humor will help folks to remember the rules. Take the rules in the spirit in which they were intened.
If they would just ban children from the fountain, all would be well. And clowns — ban the evil clowns, too.
Actually, the rules are fine and make sense, though I do think that someone walking Fido on a hot day should be allowed to give their doggy a drink from the edge of the fountain.
Does anyone know if the proposed Veteran’s Plaza will have some drinking fountains located on the property? There is only one drinking fountain that I am aware of in the public areas of the main DTSS area and it is somewhat obscured by the side of the staircase located in front of Austin Grill.
The rules make sense from a health and safety perspective, with the ridiculous one about “appropriate dress”. Only in paranoid, ultra-conservative US do we find it offensive & innappropriate if a small child runs through a fountain naked. In just about every other Western (or Westernized) society, small children can be naked at the beach, be changed in public areas, etc. No wonder the Europeans laugh at us.
The posted rules also allow Peterson to have the police confront and take action against those who violate the rules. After all, this is private property.
I mean with the exception of the ridiculous rule about attire
No offense to you Woodsider but why would I care if the Europeans laugh at us? There is no doubt that the US on a whole is more conservative than the Europeans but so what? We have a different culture from the Europeans.
I agree with WeCanDoBetter! Who cares if the Europeans laugh at us? Let them and their little naked children laugh all they want!!
Oh, John. Where’s your sense of humor? I take my daughter out there, am happy there are rules, and hope they’re enforced. And even I thought it was damn funny. Let’s hope commenter Bonifant More Sinister than Thayer heeds the last snarky remark.
Yeah, let the Europeans laugh at us with their naked children, and their topless beaches with their thongs and g-strings and, and…
*sob*
I guess I used the wrong words…my point isn’t that we should be like the Europeans so they don’t laugh at us. It is that we as a culture need to lighten up. Who cares if a toddler runs naked in the fountain? And while on the surface it appears that the list of rules is for our own safety, it is not. It is to reduce the liability of The Peterson Cos. in the event of an incident. In our litigation happy society, it is ultimately they who will pay the price if “anything” happens.
Personally, little kids can keep their swim diapers or whatever on when I’m near the fountain. The last thing I want to step in when I’m shopping is kid poop drug out of the fountain.
Kid poop drug out of the fountain? That is hella discusting lol!
Hey Jennifer - Just want you to know that as a mom that brings her kids to the fountain to play several times a week (abiding by all the rules and utilizing my First Amendment right to photography, thankyouverymuch) EVERY single time I’m chilling by the fountain, surveying my kids’ safe play, a person will come up to me and say “Hey, do read The Silver Spring Penguin and did you see the @#$%ing hilarious rules she wrote about playing in the fountain?” Seriously. The jokes you have written here are LEGEND amongst the breeders of the SS.
Just though I’d pass along.
xoxo
Editor’s note: Thanks, Jessica! — JD (Jun 29, 2008)
Holler back.